by Rob Perez
Columnist

Everyone keeps saying AI is the greatest invention in the history of man. I’ve heard that repeated by really smart, important people. But I also hear smart, important people say there’s a chance that AI wipes out humanity. I want to keep an open mind and everything, but I think if an invention wipes out humanity, either on purpose or by accident, it should lose its place at the front of the line for humanity’s greatest inventions.

So just what is the greatest invention? And I want to go way back on this one because I have to get six hundred words out of this and I’m not going to get there with 100 years or so. So let’s lift the gaze and look way, way back.

One of early man’s first inventions was the tool. Some guy was trying to catch dinner with his hands. It wasn’t going great so he looked around and grunted to himself, “rock.” He picked up that rock and hucked it. He hit the thing he was trying to hit and then grunted to himself, “rock good.”

But because grunting makes you sound dumb, and sounding dumb makes it hard to find a mate, man invented language. He wasn’t much smarter than before. But he did indeed sound smarter.

After man had words, it seemed like it was one invention after another. Agriculture was a doozy—for anyone who likes dirt.

Then there were Guns, Germs, and Steel. And those are all from one book. Although I’m not sure why anyone would invent germs.

Later we invented the printing press so everyone could read things. Then we invented the internet so everyone could read everything. Still later we invented AI so nobody had to read anything.

Electricity, antibiotics, and those little plastic thingies that keep the air out of the bread bags are all pretty great. I’m also a fan of rubber bands. How do they do it?

I guess some people think nuclear bombs were important. But I don’t want one. So I say no. Not on the list.

Looking back across millennia, across cultures and civilizations, it’s clear this species really wanted change.

But for my money, one invention stands alone, atop the mountain of human achievement. One invention that separates us from every other species on this planet.

I’m talking, of course, about under-cabinet lighting.

Before under-cabinet lighting, I was operating in the shadows. Bumping, fumbling, approximating. With under-cabinet lighting, now I know where I am. I know where I’m going. At long last, I’m in the know.

Without under-cabinet lighting, the room is flatter, darker, merely inhabitable. But with under-cabinet lighting, the room has depth, layers, contrast. An aesthetic. Suddenly there’s a vibe.

But the main thing people miss about under-cabinet lighting is that turning it on is like turning on a disco ball. Under-cabinet lighting is fun. Once that sucker’s on, I’m ready. For whatever, whenever. Let’s get cooking. Literally. Or figuratively.

But want to know a secret? Under-cabinet lighting is so fun that one of the reasons I turn it off at night is just so I don’t miss anything. I can sleep knowing there’s nothing going on under there. It’s just darkness.

So, yes, everyone’s talking about AI. And hey, I use AI. I’m into it. It’s a thing. Unless it wipes us out. Then I think we’d all agree it wasn’t so great after all.

But think about under-cabinet lighting. When it’s there, your life is better. When it’s on, your life is much better. And when it’s time to move on, you just turn it off.

I’m not sure you can say the same thing about AI.