by Rob Perez
Cherryroad Media

I’m not saying Sisyphus had it easy. Pushing a boulder in any direction is hard work. And he had to push his boulder uphill. That’s harder. Boulders are heavy. Even small boulders are heavy. And the one Sisyphus had was big. He pushes it ninety-nine-point nine percent of the way to the top. Except he never quite gets it there. The boulder rolls back down the hill. And Sisyphus has to do it all over again.

That has to be frustrating.

The timeline isn’t great either. He does it for an eternity. That’s a long time. It’s kind of the opposite of a healthy work-life balance.

So I’m not saying it’s a walk in the park for Sisyphus. I’m just saying I’d like to see Sisyphus spend one hour in my garden. One hour. Then we’ll talk. I want to see what Sisyphus would do with creeping charlie.

Creeping charlie isn’t just a weed. It’s a life partner. One that plans to outlive you. Most weeds grow up and down. Creeping charlie grows in every direction simultaneously. If you get 99.9% of most weeds, you can call it a win. If that’s all you get of creeping charlie, you’re just running in place.

Also, Sisyphus has exactly one boulder. Just one. It’s heavy, sure. But it rolls up. It rolls down. He has one standard boulder.

Do you know how many creeping charlie plants I have? No, you don’t. Because I don’t know how many creeping charlie plants I have. Zeus doesn’t know how many creeping charlie plants I have. It could be one giant plant or there could be hundreds. Not knowing is part of the suffering.

With one boulder and one hill, you always know where you are in the process. You’re pushing the boulder uphill. You’re watching it roll back down the hill. You’re walking back to retrieve it. With one boulder and one hill, you’re always in the know.

With creeping charlie, you’re fumbling in complete darkness. You don’t know if you’re making progress, losing ground, or just gardening in circles. When you’re carefully pulling a strand from the ground, it’s not a question of if it will break but when. Two inches in? Six? A foot? Even getting two feet of weed before it snaps just reminds you that the only one who knows what’s really down there is Hades.

Why, exactly, did Sisyphus get sentenced to an eternity pushing a boulder uphill? He cheated death. Repeatedly. Zeus eventually had enough. Why did I end up with a garden full of creeping charlie? I tilled it. I planted it. I watered it faithfully for a fortnight. Then I went out of town. When I got back, I accidentally forgot I had a garden.

The question is: what’s to be done?

My options are limited. I can continue on my hands and knees — indefinitely. Or I can resort to a deadly chemical. Some may protest, Rob, they say Round Up will take years of your life. Yes, I know. But a fair fight with creeping charlie might take more.

The other option I see is rebranding. Right now, I’m a below-average vegetable gardener. But if you look at it a different way, I’m an elite cultivator of creeping charlie. It’s just a matter of perspective.

It’s gotten so bad in my garden that my weeds are starting to complain about weeds.

I’m not saying Sisyphus is living the life. I’m just saying it could have been worse. And if Zeus really wanted to punish Sisyphus, he would have given him a garden.